>To spank or not to spank?

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I’ve been reading these two blogs who were discussing about parents spanking/slapping their children. One said it was wrong, of course the other claimed it was right. Now, I realized this is an issue between the father and the mother. This has to be discussed and planned by both parents. So I asked T about how we are going to raise our children. Are we imposing these kind of punishment too?

T is well aware that I have not been spanked or slapped as a child. My parents punished me by WORDS (but not degrading ones). They make me realize my mistakes. I tell you, words are powerful than hands of steel. Upto this day, I can still remember the lessons my parents taught me. Upto this day, I am thankful on how they raised me. (Plus I never saw my parents fight in front of me. But that’s another topic)

I am also well aware that T have been spanked and slapped as a child. He experienced all sorts of spanking (and yelling). And he admittedly say he took it all really bad. He still remembers the times he was punished (hard). And these of course resulted to deeper, negative, darker feelings that he struggled to overcome (for years).

He was of course adamant that we do not spank or slap our children. We can think of ways to discipline them or make them follow us. It is really on how you (as parents, as a team) handle your children. For us, being a parent means being patient, creative, understanding,
and able to give.

In line with this let me just say that I personally do not think that CULTURE has anything to do with how we raise our children. IT IS ABOUT HOW WE ARE AS PARENTS. IT IS ABOUT WHAT WE BELIEVE is good for our children.
So, I don’t think one way is the best way than the other….We do what works for us.
I also DO NOT believe that spanking is PART of FILIPINO CULTURE.

How about you? How do you raise your child?

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Jhong

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Comments

  1. >we try to keep our house a spank-free house as much as we can, unless a li'l bit of (slight)slap on their hands count.

  2. >I think it's part culture and part family matter. We, as Filipinos inherited the "discipline" from our Spanish heritage based on our Catholic upbringing. I think I also had read that article on a blog. I even commented on it saying that spanking is essential to in disciplining a child. You don't need to be harsh —just a little physical nudge to mean what you say. If words worked for you when you were a kid , it is because you do understand it. However, there are kids, no matter how they understand "words"–to them they're merely words and can be disobedient and stubborn. I grew up with spanking and so too my bros and my sis because we were basically stubborn and obstinate kids who cannot obey my parents rules. Sometimes, too , a child can be limited with words since the level of words you use don't match with their comprehension —maybe they understand the meaning of the word, but they don't understand its real implication. As a nanny for so many American families, I observed that American children are the most stubborn at all and most disrespectful. This is because they can talk their way out what their parents tell them. Talk begets talk —so when their parents "talk" to them , they talk back. And most oftentimes, when they cannot control their behavior through talking, they become helpless and frustrated. Spanking is a way to express you mean "business"—-that if your child disobeys again, this is what he gets. Normally, children become scared like when we were kids , so scared to be spanked and punished , so we obeyed our parents' laws eventually. The limitation of spanking of American parents hve somehow created a nation full of "scary, undisciplined, rude and destructive American children".Spanking does not create psychological imbalance or effects to children. My family and relatives have grown to become mature, responsible, Christian and God-fearing loving adults —learning that our parents meant good when they spanked us. I will spank my child the way I was spanked yet made to understand that our parents did just want the best for us and wanted us to become the adults we are now. I 'm so grateful that my parents raised us this way—through love, devotion, compassion,patience and discipline.

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