June 9 was when my second daughter was born. With her, new realizations came to life. New journey began as a Mother, as a wife and as a family. A year after her birth and the terrible ordeal post birth and post surgery I have to go through, I have learned so many things. I can only imagine what the next few years will teach me.
I am truly humbled by the lessons I’ve learned along the way. The pain I had to go through and even bouts of depression and self doubt that I had to face are all part of the plan.
Before giving birth, my husband and I prepared for our 2nd baby’s coming, doing everything we can to arm ourselves with knowledge on breastfeeding and we were determined to succeed. All our decisions including the choice of the birthing hospital were all because of our eagerness to breastfeed. We wanted to get all the help there is to support us with breastfeeding but as you know, it didn’t turn out very well. It triggered my depression and from there, everything went downhill.
I didn’t have the courage to go back for another check up with my OB after her last post surgery check. I didn’t have the strength to believe her anymore. I felt cheated by her and the hospital so I just didn’t want to go anymore.
Then I developed post partum hemorrhage (PPH) where I felt magnitude of pain from my abdomen radiating to my entire body while over bleeding. I had to wear adult diapers and soaking it within 1-2 hours. Other symptoms like nausea, vomiting and weakness didn’t help at all. I had to go through D&C to make sure my uterus are clean and to see where the bleeding’s coming from. Even after that, I was still over bleeding. I had to take several hormonal injections and oral medications. After 4 months, it finally stopped. In fact, I just finished a normal menstrual cycle. I still felt pain but it was bearable, oral pain medication handled it well.
During the ordeal, our finances went dry, I had to let go of my clients and couldn’t focus on my business. I withdrew from family and friends (some I kept to tell my stories or I’ll go insane). I didn’t bother telling my situation to my parents because at the time, my Mom had a mild heart attack and had a stent put in her heart. I just didn’t want to add to her stress and cause anymore trouble.
Saying it was hard is an understatement.
But looking back, it was all part of the plan.
It made me stronger.
A better mother. Yes, I think so. I became aware of my children more. I appreciate them more. I appreciate their individuality.
I became a better person. I was really humbled by the help I got from our household. Our helper took Luzy under her care when I was writhing in pain. She took her at night so I can sleep well. She brings Luzy to me when I’m well and let us play for a bit. It made me see that in every bad situation, something good comes out.
My heart grew bigger for a husband who never wavered. Who supported me and carried me all through it. At times when I doubted myself, he showed me I am the best Mother for my children and no one else. When I was being difficult, he kept silent and understood.
Today I can say I am ready to let go of everything that went wrong and face the good things that came with it.
I am now part of a great team at work. Lucky that my current client took me even after being jobless for months. I am truly thankful. We are surviving and working really hard to raise a family of 4.
What I learned when my second baby was born is that things aren’t always what it seem. Never expect life to be the same as before. Here’s to summarize what I felt and learned which was eloquently said by Paula Howe, a family life educator;
“Who we are has been sidetracked by labels for who we aren’t. Phrase names have divided us. Stay-at-home mom, new dad, parent of special needs child, working mother, job sharer, non-custodial parent, single parent, empty nester, spouse caring for spouse, parent with teens, teenage parent, elder caregiver- these and so many other titles have put us in little niches and kept us thinking that we can’t help each other because…. we are so different. But we are not a collection of separate sub species. We caregivers are more like one another than not, no matter how we spend our days”.